there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
