You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
