Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
