We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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