I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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