be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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