tonight lets celebrate not being married
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
