Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
