he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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