and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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