It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
