By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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