I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sext me about skeletons
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
