I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
