even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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