I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
