all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
