Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
