Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
