I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
