The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
