before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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