____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
