You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He felt like a one man threesome
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
