guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
