come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
