i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I need water and some morals
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