8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
