I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
