you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
