my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
