btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
