Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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