Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
