After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
