Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
