I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
