Where is the hickey?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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