no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
