Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize