Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
