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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity

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• (206): View more from Washington

  She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.

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• (805): View more from California

  we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard

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• (925): View more from California

  The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick

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