decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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