He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
