I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
