Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
