I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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