I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
