No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
