What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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