haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
