We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
