So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
