I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
