I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
