I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He uses pillows to masturbate.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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