I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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