My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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