I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
