we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
