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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
