the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
