I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
