first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
