I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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