I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize