I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And then my night got REAL pukey
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
